Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Finding self

It's been almost two months since G left Yellowknife. Whole two months off of motherhood for me…

I’d be lying if I said I don’t enjoy this time. Time on my own. Every passing day I realize how much I needed it. Filling in days with experiences – no interruptions, no (serious) cooking, changing diapers, entertaining and taking care of a little human.

For some reason, I always felt that once I become a mom, I’d be “complete”. How can you not when everything around you screams that “marriage + children” = social norm. And yes, there was part of me that always felt so, that I needed to fulfill that void, expectation, whatever it’s called.

What about another part? Am I capable of experiencing joy and being happy outside of family life and motherhood? Am I contributing to the community I live in? Spending time on matters I care about? My thoughts and desires? My dreams? In other words, have lost myself without even realizing it?

I’m trying to figure it out. I take a dog from a nearby dog shelter for a walk while I think about that...wilderness is all around us… I feel centered. I feel mighty. I feel free…

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